The newest true crime documentary to appear on our screens is characterized as “a fairy tale romance that took a tragic turn.” It introduces itself as “one wild story” during its initial scene.
However, while Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is based on real events, the nearly ten years of deceit, manipulation, and pressure it portrays does not constitute a crime.
Pic: Netflix
Catfishing – the term used to describe the act of creating fictitious online identities to deceive individuals into believing they are in a relationship – is not a criminal offense in the UK.
Kirat Assi, the focus of Netflix‘s Sweet Bobby documentary, explains to Sky News: “People often ask, ‘How could you be so naive?’ That’s a recurring question we face. Yet, none of us [the victims] are foolish. It’s merely that the offender has gone above and beyond.”
Regarded as the longest-running catfishing scam in the UK, it chronicles Kirat’s experience as an events assistant and radio host, who was misled into thinking she was in a digital relationship with a supposed cardiologist named Dr. Bobby Jandu from 2009 to 2018.
The perpetrator adopted the identity of an actual person that Kirat had met briefly, spending years cultivating this fictitious friendship, which evolved into a romantic relationship by late 2015. They even got engaged.
However, nothing was as it appeared, and each interaction—totaling around 60 individuals across various social platforms—was orchestrated by one of Kirat’s distant relatives.
Kirat confesses her discomfort when the narrative was first recounted on Tortoise Media’s podcast of the same name in 2021, let alone the documentary that stemmed from it.
So, what compelled her to allow such a personal tale to be shared on the world’s foremost streaming service?
Now at the age of 44, Kirat reflects: “At the moment of her revelation, I was shouting, ‘Why?’ But I have long since moved past that… There’s simply no justification for her actions. Now, I merely seek to understand how she accomplished it.”
Pic: Netflix
How can one individual experience such misfortune?
The documentary illustrates how, throughout Kirat’s association with Bobby, he endured six gunshot wounds in Kenya; entered witness protection in New York; suffered a stroke, a brain tumor, and a heart attack; and fathered an unacknowledged child.
Despite Kirat recognizing the situation as “odd,” “a little bizarre,” and even questioning, “How can one person be this unlucky?” a network of Bobby’s friends and family consistently affirmed the authenticity of the events surrounding his life across various social media platforms.
The couple would frequently engage in lengthy Skype conversations and continuously exchanged voice notes and messages.
Kirat emphasizes that what they had was not a decade-long romance; in the beginning, she resisted the notion due to their camaraderie being firmly seated in the “bro-zone.” Eventually, after years of persistence, she admits she relented, and they became an official couple.
Kirat Assi in Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. Pic: Netflix
‘My existence became unbearable’
As their relationship progressed towards a close, Kirat reveals that Bobby became domineering, accusing her of flirting with other men, and discouraging her from attending work or visiting friends and family.
She asserts that this was when conditions began declining: “I started to shed weight… It was an oppressive control, to the extent that you feel completely abused, losing any sense of self. And you’re engulfed by fear constantly.”
This prompted her to enlist the services of a private investigator, resulting in her confronting the real Bobby at his family’s home in Brighton.
Kirat shares: “During that final phase, I was merely seeking the truth while simultaneously trying to maintain harmony and avoid causing any upheaval because my life was already like a nightmare. And it was already intolerable.”
Pic: Netflix
‘Victim shaming poses significant risks’
Even though she reported the incident to law enforcement in 2018, no charges have been filed to date. The Metropolitan Police communicated to Sky News that the case was closed in 2019 but has been reopened for further investigation.
A civil case in 2020, thought to be the UK’s first successful suit of its type concerning catfishing, resulted in a private apology and a considerable settlement the following year.
Kirat aspires for the documentary to motivate other individuals affected by catfishing to come forward.
“There is a tremendous amount of online harassment and intimidation. Victim shaming is rampant, which deters individuals from voicing their experiences… many of us have endured this in silence.”
Since the podcast’s release in 2021, she reports having faced severe harassment and trolling online.
A relative of Kirat chose not to participate in the documentary interview, but her representatives informed the producers: “This matter pertains to events that began when she was in school. She considers it a personal issue and strongly objects to what she perceives as ‘numerous unfounded and harmful allegations’.”
Pic: Netflix
‘I cannot speak on her behalf’
She has not seen her relative since the day the latter visited to admit to the deception.
She acknowledges that she “cannot speak on her behalf,” adding that there is still trepidation in her tight-knit London Sikh community regarding coming forward.
“I think people remain fearful of what she might do next, even though the case is reopened. [Individuals are scared] due to the lack of decisive action from the police, the slow progress made by law enforcement, and the limited outcomes from the civil lawsuit. Many simply lack the confidence that it is genuinely being addressed in a way that allows them to speak out.”
Nonetheless, Kirat is determined to not be muted: “The individual responsible must face accountability. I cannot carry the weight of being blamed for bringing this to light. I have to prioritize what is right for me.”
Pic: Netflix
‘People anticipate me to be a shattered emotional state’
Six years after her life turned upside down, Kirat is dating once more.
She claims to be returning to her “fiery self,” noting that when people recognize her, they often “experience the shock of their lives because they expect me to be a shattered emotional state.”
However, aspects of her life remain unsettled: “I must be extremely cautious about what I do and how I conduct myself, especially concerning who is researching me for professional reasons.”
With technology continuously evolving and being available around the clock, Kirat offers a cautionary note: “It is becoming increasingly simple to engage in harmful behaviors. The bizarre capabilities that AI and online platforms possess are worsening. I feel fortunate that this issue didn’t occur for me now.”
Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available for streaming on Netflix starting Wednesday, October 16.
