Upon receiving his terminal diagnosis of bile duct cancer, Tom Davenport committed himself to maximizing the remainder of his life.
The 48-year-old music instructor from Scarborough participated in a fundraising event titled ‘Gig of a Lifetime’, a concert held to honor his accomplishments, attended by hundreds of close family and friends. Tom experienced a live performance by his favorite band KISS in Manchester with his young son Joss, celebrated his marriage to his partner Lucy, and enjoyed a memorable trip to Disneyland Paris.
As his health declined, Tom transitioned into a hospice where he received ‘exceptional care’. He and his family desired that his remaining moments would be filled with tranquility. However, his last day on August 28, 2023, proved to be intensely distressing, as recounted by Lucy and Tom’s sisters, Ailsa and Janet, to Metro.
‘It was around 5pm when the vomiting began,’ Lucy recounts.
‘He was connected to three syringe drivers [small pumps dispensing a continuous medication flow to alleviate symptoms of pain] filled with morphine. Initially, it was just “normal vomit,” but then it changed. I can still visualize the shock on Janet’s face, who has been a nurse for 40 years.’
Tom’s cancer had caused a blockage in his bowel, resulting in fecal matter backing up through his body and exiting through his mouth. Lucy, Janet, and Ailsa supported his head to prevent choking while struggling to cope with the overwhelming smell in the room. Whenever he managed to speak, Tom expressed his love for his wife Lucy. The family felt ‘powerless and desperate’ for Tom’s agony to conclude as the hours wore on.
Five hours later, he passed away.
‘I keep replaying those moments in my mind, questioning what else could have been done,’ Janet reflects.
‘What Tom required was the choice to declare that enough was enough and to take something to alleviate his suffering. But the medical staff would have faced prosecution had they administered drugs to effectively end his life; their hands were bound. In my nursing career spanning midwifery and health visiting, I’ve witnessed many deaths, but Tom’s was one of the most traumatic I’ve ever observed.’
‘It was akin to a horror film,’ Ailsa agrees. ‘Tom’s passing was horrific, and we all must contend with its repercussions now, especially Lucy. The fear and horror on Tom’s face will remain with us indefinitely. He would be appalled to think that this was our final memory of him.’
Haunted by Tom’s final hours, Ailsa, Janet, and Lucy reached out to Dignity in Dying, an organization campaigning for legal changes to enable assisted dying as an option for terminally ill, mentally competent individuals, in addition to advocating for access to high-quality end-of-life care.
Globally, approximately 400 million individuals have lawful access to some form of assisted dying; however, in the UK, with 67 million residents, it remains illegal to aid a terminally ill person in ending their life.
‘This isn’t about hastening death,’ Lucy asserts.
‘It’s about alleviating suffering and giving individuals the autonomy regarding their death. If Tom had had that option, he would have embraced it wholeheartedly. The existing laws and the reality that people are prosecuted for aiding their loved ones to die with dignity is antiquated.’
Tom received his diagnosis of stage four bile duct cancer on September 2, 2022. He had displayed little in terms of symptoms; it was only when Lucy noticed his yellowing eyes during a Bank Holiday walk that they sought medical attention at A&E.
Testing at Scarborough Hospital unveiled the diagnosis of bile duct cancer. The prognosis was grim, with a five-year survival rate of a mere 2%. Nevertheless, Tom maintained an optimistic outlook, informing his sisters and extended family about his condition and the ensuing steps.
‘He was exceptionally mentally resilient,’ Lucy fondly recalls.
‘However, some days were more challenging than others. There were instances where he insisted I promise that if he reached a point of significant suffering, I would help him end his life. This conversation wasn’t confined to just us, but also involved his doctor. Yet, the notion of assisting Tom in dying would lead to my imprisonment, leaving no one to care for our son. While it was a topic we discussed as a couple, it simply wasn’t a feasible option.’
In the week before his passing, Tom hosted family members for what he termed his ‘final beers’ in the sun. He confided in his sister Ailsa that he was “prepared to die” and privately asked his mother-in-law Diana to look after Lucy and Joss.
‘He was bidding farewell to everyone,’ Janet clarifies.
‘Tom was fully mentally competent; he could have made a conscious decision to take something and depart peacefully. Yet, that option was unavailable to him.’
Janet, Lucy, and Ailsa have been to the House of Commons twice since Tom’s passing and are ‘resolved’ to continue raising awareness to ensure that no other families experience what they have.
“Since our involvement with Dignity and Dying and after reviewing the statistics, it is indicated that around 6,400 individuals endure pain or unmanageable symptoms yearly in this nation,” remarks Janet.
“That number is simply excessive. That equates to seven people each day.”
A proposed legal alteration regarding assisted dying has encountered opposition from numerous MPs, including Danny Kruger, the MP for East Wiltshire. The legislator, who is the offspring of television host Prue Leith, attributes his stance to his religious convictions.
Mr. Kruger advocates for enhancements in palliative care, a position supported by organizations such as Care Not Killing and Our Duty of Care.
In a different arena, prominent advocate Dame Esther Rantzen is spearheading a campaign for reform. The 84-year-old, who has stage four lung cancer, has also aligned with the Dignitas assisted dying clinic located in Switzerland where the expenses range from £6,500 to £15,000 for an assisted death. For many, this amount is prohibitively expensive.
Jenny Carruthers, who is terminally ill, experienced the loss of her partner, guitarist Gypie Mayo, known for his time with Dr Feelgood, in 2013 due to liver cancer. The disease caused the musician to be “screaming in agony” during his final months.
In 2018, Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer, which metastasized to her bones. This cancer is now untreatable, and she expresses that visiting the Dignitas clinic is not only financially burdensome but also poses risks for her family.
“My children were young when Gyp passed away,” Jenny, 56, shares with Metro. “It was incredibly challenging.”
“Now they are in their early twenties and quite aware of the reality I am confronting, and they wholeheartedly endorse my participation in the Dignity in Dying initiative. There is a notion that we could have a serene conclusion together in Switzerland, should I be fortunate enough to possess that sort of money. However, at that point, I could put them in a position of legal jeopardy upon their return to the UK.
“Dignitas is something I’ve contemplated but it’s not my preferred choice. I wish to pass at home surrounded by my family, feeling peaceful in my own bed.”
While speaking with Metro, Jenny pauses to check notifications on her AuroraWatch app. She intends to take a picnic blanket and a couple of ciders to a nearby field in Bath that evening, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights that are predicted to occur.
Jenny emphasizes her love for the opportunities and small pleasures that life presents, but asserts that the option of an assisted death is critical for her future when her incurable cancer becomes unbearable.
“I don’t wish to die,” Jenny, who has a background in nursing on an acute gastro ward for the NHS, clarifies. “I possess an immense zest for life. What I cannot tolerate is an endless cycle of pain that strips away my character and diminishes my ability to enjoy simple daily experiences.”
“The ramifications of a terminal diagnosis permeate every facet of your existence, and individuals respond very differently to it. I refuse to lose myself in a morphine-induced haze where my loved ones can no longer engage in meaningful conversation with me; that would be dreadful.”
For Jenny, she fervently hopes that legislative change occurs urgently. She is conscious that both she and other terminally ill individuals are running short on time.
“I truly cannot comprehend how the UK has fallen so far behind the rest of the world,” she articulates.
“There are discussions about Keir Starmer’s vow [to hold a vote regarding a change in legislation]. Yet, this could involve years of deliberations, and ultimately, we are uncertain about how long reform will require. Who knows what may transpire concerning my health or Esther Rantzen’s health during that interval? Perhaps it is already too late for her or for me. But I believe we both share a cognizance that it might not be our opportunity right now.”
“A family should never have to face the anxiety of legal repercussions; they should be able to hold hands with a loved one and find solace.”
“If they could do so, they would likely heal from their grief at a much faster pace.”
Meanwhile, Tom Davenport’s family, still grappling with the trauma of his loss, finds solace in the impression he left on everyone he encountered during his 49 years. While the music educator was deeply dedicated to his profession, his greatest passion remained his family; his three sisters and brother, as well as Lucy and Joss. His favorite saying was “Daddy first, music second.”
“With Joss, Tom and I consistently engaged in open discussions throughout the cancer journey,” Lucy adds.
“He is an intelligent and inquisitive boy. Joss continues to pose questions, and I’ve attempted to clarify that his father was very ill, and that it was a challenging period for him; however, he is now happy and at peace.” Joss wished to convey to Metro’s audience that his daddy was “my best friend and the best dad in the world.”
To support Dignity in Dying’s campaign, visit www.dignityindying.org.uk/petition
'We owe a considerable debt to all those individuals facing death who shared their narratives'
Molly Pike, senior media and campaigns officer at Dignity in Dying, notes that the progression of bills in the Parliaments of Isle of Man, Jersey, and Scotland signifies that change is on the horizon. Last week, Prime Minister Keir Starmer reiterated his commitment to allocate time for a bill in England.
“Assisted dying has transitioned from a fringe concern to a central issue,” Molly tells Metro. “Public sentiment has long favored a modification in the law, but it is now firmly on the political agenda, with the British Isles on the verge of transformation.”
“We owe a significant debt to all those individuals confronting death who shared their experiences to advocate for reform, fully aware that the law might not evolve before their time – they have helped to illustrate to parliamentarians the inadequacies of the current legislation.”
Molly adds: “Similar to many rights we currently cherish, such as the freedom to love and marry whom we desire, when we reflect on this issue in the future, we will likely wonder why it took so long to amend the [assisted dying] law.”
In response to our inquiries, a Government spokesperson informed Metro: ‘Successive administrations have determined that any modification to the law in this sensitive domain is a matter for Parliament to deliberate, and this Government has clarified that ample time will be granted for an appropriate discussion and vote regarding any proposed legislation.
